The Gifts of Imperfection: Cultivating Authenticity – Letting Go Of What People Think

 

So starting with Authenticity-

 

Well at my ripe age, it seems “who I am” has been refined, redefined, or the popular terms these days transformed or transmuted. 

I have come down to - "I Am Energy."   I am not trying to be a know it all......or go scientific here....I have mentioned it because connecting  Energy to Authenticity...leaves me where?

I am getting too philosophical.....code word for mixed up. 

Keeping it simple now......I am going to let go of who I think I am supposed to be.

So I am to set my weekly intention for cultivating authenticity.

A phrase keeps popping into my head....so I guess I will go with it.

It is from Elizbeth Lesser’s book, “Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We're all bozos on the bus,
so we might as well sit back
and enjoy the ride.
-Wavy Gravy

You have to admit it does give a comfortable old shoe feel and it fits where I am at.

 

Letting go of what people think –

 the first thing that came to mind was never mind what others think,

I need to get a hold of what I think! 

For example

For another post I was looking for a picture so I googled, “Goddess of Light” (Bozos are my reality check)

Well what came up was not fairy godmother images, instead the images displayed were scantily clad, to die for proportioned women in their sexual prime.

 

This was a tame one.

 

Now that same morning I noticed in the mirror the sags and cellulite had just reached my knees.

 

After seeing the Goddess picture somehow aging with graciousness and class suddenly fell to 

 

 

Ridiculous I know, but I am human, I am not totally immune to the barrage from the media of the exaggerated importance of sexual image ......oh! wait a minute.....that's a blame statement.

 

(This is leading away from where I planned to go but I have decided to go with it)

 

 

Uggg......okay...I am victimizing myself.  Berating myself.

 

 

You're not good enough, Shirley

 

Wow....as I write this there was quite a revelation. 

 

Notice how my excuse made light, it would have covered up the severity of the actual abusive shame statement to myself.

 

So I need a name here.

 

Berating Bully ....abusively berates me - I must give back Berating Bully exactly the abuse he is trying yell at me. .....hmmmmm

 

This is where that "Goddess of Light"  may come in....what would she say?

 

Is it X rated and start with an "F"?

 

So wiping my hands off now ......and....

 

getting back to my original train of thought.....

 

I think some attention to our appearance is healthy but dependence or even striving for the ultimate is not only unhealthy but abusive as I just discovered.  It is also self defeating as I already am on slippery slope being in my 60’s; so extra vigilance is required to keep  Crappy Comparer and Berating Bully out of my territory.  

Lest I start becoming a fanatic or is that more of a fanatic?   "Oh! Who Cares?"

 

Examining this a little closer...brings up the question.

 

What was the reason the Goddess image triggered my Berating Bully?

....partly I was afraid of what people would think.

....partly because I still require gentle acceptance and approval of myself.  

 

.... most important there is an active default program of "Berating Bully" running inside me that needs to be dealt with

 In moving forward....

I had forgotten about the endearing qualities that come with comfortableness and imperfections. The appreciation of who I truly am.

 

An Imperfect Goddess
always an
Aspiring Bus Driver